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The sex education you never got: what to do when the sex is over—and you're left with an Ex
In 1969, David Reuben, MD, published his groundbreaking book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex*. Forty years later, we know plenty about sex. The thing we're so confused about, however, is what to do when the sex is over, and you're left with an Ex.
In the age of Google, Facebook, and Twitter, it's almost impossible to leave the past behind. Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ex* is the answer for any woman whose former relationship is keeping her from finding true love. Written by two family therapists, this book helps readers learn:
- Who holds the power in your Ex relationships
- The best way to deal with an unavoidable Ex
- Solutions to everyday Ex issues (including kids)
- How to handle your boyfriend's or husband's Exes
- How to get resolution with any Ex
- How to learn from your Exes so as to make a better choice the next time
This sassy, take-charge manual is a must-read for any woman who has an Ex.
Praise for Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ex*
"No matter how codependent or crazy your relationship with your Ex has been, this book will show you how to live and love again."
Melody Beattie | bestselling author, The New Codependency and Codependent No More
"An insightful, entertaining and essential guide to surviving the turmoil and trauma of breakups and divorce. Read this book and you'll learn to survive and thrive in the aftermath of an unhappy relationship."
Ben Sherwood | bestselling author, The Survivor's Club
"If you have an Ex and kids, this book is a must read (unless you want your kids to spend their college savings on therapy)!"
Romi Lassally | author, True Mom Confessions: Real Moms Get Real | founder of truuconfessions.com
"I thought I knew everything there was to know about my Ex. But I never would have guessed she'd be able to turn some of our most shameful follies into such valuable advice. Now our Ex life couldn't be better!"
Michelle's Ex
"When I first became an Ex it was like a brick to the head or, perhaps in better moments, a knee to the groin. But this book adds the one metaphor I was missing—a breath of fresh air. Heather worked hard to become a 'good' Ex, where drama takes a backseat to what's important—our kids and our futures. This book can show everyone that the path from Ex to next can be filled with hope and happiness."
Heather's Ex
- Sales Rank: #1877635 in Books
- Published on: 2009-09-01
- Released on: 2009-09-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 7.10" h x .82" w x 5.32" l, .60 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 288 pages
Review
"This book won't put the "S" back in "sex," but it will help handle and resolve some of the damage caused by "failed love affairs" and let Exes move on with the rest of their lives without having to overcome hopeless, debilitating clinical depression." - Basil and Spice
"Much like an ex, minus the regrets, this is a great book to read, love, learn from, and pass on.
" - Sacramento Book Review
" Some of us could use some pro insight on factors like how to be friends with an ex, whether you should get back together, why you really shouldn't and, say, moving on. Their new book Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Ex tackles all of this. Anything that helps us step away from the dramz is probably a good thing, right? Read it when you're contemplating a drunk dial." - The Frisky
"Heather and Michelle put a compassionate but brutal mirror up to the reader to ask the questions which lead to a true answer whether you and your ex are really "just friends" or if you are still pining away or in a toxic relationship." - The Independent
About the Author
Heather Belle, MFC, (Los Angeles) is a marriage and family therapist and writer with degrees from Vanderbilt and Pepperdine. In her work at the Southern California Counseling Center she has experienced firsthand the affects of past relationships on a person's mental health.
Michelle Fiordaliso, MSW, (Los Angeles) is a psychotherapist and writer with degrees from New York University. She has fifteen years experience working with individuals and couples.
Most helpful customer reviews
6 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
What To Do When The Rose Colored Glasses Shatter
By James R. Holland
Once the sizzle in sex ends, all that is usually left is the "Ex". "So what's an Ex? The definition of an Ex is simple. It's a former husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, fling, one stand, affair--all of them! An Ex is anyone with whom you've been sexually or romantically involved." The name of this book is obviously a play on the title of the classic "Everything You Always Wanted to Know abut Sex" by Dr. David Reuben. While this reviewer's memory may be playing tricks on him, I believe even the cover design of this book is a play on the earlier Reuben book cover?
Not so long ago, when a marriage, affair or promising romance ended that was indeed the end except for alimony payments and children's visiting rights. One member of the couple usually stayed put usually in the family home and the other took off for the parts unknown, maybe to never be seen or heard from again. If that was always the case, it certainly isn't that way anymore. People generally stay in the same neighborhood and at the same jobs often in the same company. Both parties of the split often see each other everyday and sometimes they also see and work with the third parties who may have created the split. When kids are present, there is often continuing relationships and sharing of custody. That arrangement is often best for the children of the union. This book helps explain why separated couples often remain or become good friends, confidants, advisors or even share "booty calls' or provide "Ex-Sex." In other words, it's a whole new world--relationship-wise.
As the authors write, "The prospect of living without Exes can seem boring, lonely, and scary. Yet the prospect of living with difficult Exes can seem harrowing, depressing and overwhelming...This book will help you take advantage of what Exes offer: an opportunity to gain personal insight and stop getting stuck in the past. It will teach you how to manage these relationships better. We want you to help your erase the negative effect of Exes and move forward with your life."
Some of the topics examined in this fascinating self-help guide include "How to make a better choice next time," "What your Exes reveal about you," "The best way to deal with an unavoidable Ex," and "How to handle your boyfriend's or husband's Exes."
"Through anecdotes and stories from clients, friends, and any strangers we could find, you'll see why Exes can be the hook holding your back." The two women authors do a pretty decent job of fulfilling these rather lofty goals. Pandora's box contained "greed, vanity, slander, lying, envy, and pining. Oddly, these are all the same traits associated with unresolved Ex issues...by unleashing them from your heart, you can be like Pandora and close the box with only one thing remaining inside: hope."
The two authors know about what they write and recommend. They also know how to communicate that knowledge. While every couple's Ex is different, the chances are excellent that the reader will discover some excellent advice for getting through their personal split and living a happy life after that split. This book is important because breakups have never been as simple and clear-cut as society claims. This book is as necessary as Dr. Reuben's book about sex was. After sex always comes reality whether it is a child, desertion, unfaithfulness, money problems or gold-digging mistresses. Relationships are so much more complicated than they used to be, or the rules were more clear-cut in the past. "Thinking Men Speak the Same Language" is an important fact of life examined by this tome. "Women Think They Have to Tell Men How to Behave" is also explained pretty succinctly. As a typical male, I very much enjoyed this book. Surprisingly, it wasn't too wordy for my taste. It was not filled with endless chick chat that caused my eyes to glaze over and my mind to escape into some sexual or sports fantasy. The book includes lots of pithy quotes from other sources that the reader might wish to examine further by examining the other sources in detail.
This book won't put the "S" back in "sex," but it will help handle and resolve some of the damage caused by "failed love affairs" and let Exes move on with the rest of their lives without having to overcome hopeless, debilitating clinical depression.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Finally some help with the dreaded Ex.
By Jack Trenton
I was given this book by a friend and a bit skeptical about reading a book on relationships. I'm not big on self help books and definitely not the warm and fuzzy talk about your feelings type. That being said this book totally and completely impressed me. Its smart, funny and at times embarrassingly relatable. Like a lot of people, I have Exes and lord knows they've caused me drama. I've never come across anything that teaches you how to deal with it. At the risk of sounding too sappy, I will say that I learned a lot from this book and view my past and current relationships in a new way because of it. You can tell these authors really know this field and have written in a way thats instructional without being preachy. I'm going to pass this book along to everyone I know that has had a failed relationship.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Men! This book is also for us.
By gnomeadder
"Everything you ever wanted to know about ex" is a comprehensive and humorous study of the ubiquitous yet vastly underreported subject of coping with an ex. We all have them and we all have issues around them. Well I do and I think probably you do too.
The book was written by two women, Heather Belle and Michelle Fiordaliso, and comes clearly from a woman's perspective. The fact is a man simply could not have accomplished the exhaustive research that obviously went into the tome. This is illustrated right away on page one, where we read "...we asked a woman next to us on the treadmill if she was in a relationship..." Would a guy get anywhere with this kind of behavior? No, I think he would not. Not far anyway. So as a man, I am grateful that these two women headed up the river and looked into the horror for the rest of us. What they brought back is an easy to follow map for how to deal with an ex and more importantly how to be a better ex yourself. The book ends up being a simple and practical guide to becoming a better partner altogether. As I prepare to maybe, possibly, head back into the world of dating after being off the market for 15 years and with two lovely kids, I am grateful for what these authors have offered up, and that they have done it with a rare compassion and humor. Lots of laughs here.
But don't for a minute let the fun tone of it fool you; this is a profound guide to self-actualization and happiness merely masquerading as a lighthearted self-help book. The insight is razor keen as they weave a study on the subject using experience from their own counseling careers along with references from music, theater, movies, literature, philosophy, spirituality, religion, pop culture, and perhaps most importantly, testimonials from people whose names have purportedly been changed and who's problems are easier to hear about than my own.
An example of just how nuanced and uncanny the insight can be, on a list of ex-pleasing behaviors in chapter 13 is "Buying the car he always wanted." Are you kidding me? How on earth could they be this deep into the human psyche and more importantly mine? Soon after my wife moved out, among many other desperate acts, I was considering buying the minivan she longed for. I hate minivans. I almost bought one. I need help. A lot of ground is covered here and I feel that time and time again the book speaks to my past, present, and hopefully better future if I heed the advice. I am confident you will find your story in here too.
"You came here to find what you already have," they quote the Buddha and later observe that "moments of self love can be more satisfying than the romantic kind because no one can take them from you." This is the key here for me. Once we are through feeling sorry for ourselves, grieving, obsessing over what went wrong, how the ex is wrong, seeking revenge, etc., we are once again alone with ourselves. It is in this place we decide who we want to be and how we're going to go about doing that. This book is an awesome aid to figuring that out.
I fully expect "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ex" to eventually be printed with an index and study guide and to be at least as popular as the book about sex from the 60s that the title spoofs. I also won't be surprised when the authors have their own Television show. Check out the photo of them in the back, they are camera ready big time. Do yourself most of all, but also your friends who are likely sick of listening to you, a favor and buy this book. Then read it. Then keep it nearby with your Thesaurus and the manual for the toaster oven and whatever else to which you know you will need to refer.
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